Written on | November 20, 2012 | 1 Comment
The reason this space has been so empty lately (read: this whole year) is because I’ve been unsure what to make of it, what to share and who I’m sharing it with. In comparison with the whole wide web of blogging, this is obviously not a fashion blog. I do not have nice outfits to share. I am not a lifestyle blogger, I don’t post Instagram roundups and eat cupcakes. I am picky about cupcakes. I don’t dish out advice and I don’t have cute babies or pets. This is just me, talking about my life. That is the problem.
I pride myself on being someone who always remembers birthdays, who, if I can’t send you a card, will send you a happy birthday text and not a Facebook message like everyone else. I will send Christmas cards, and text people to see how they are. I will gladly write you an email (and reply veeery slowly) or arrange to meet-up to keep in touch. In short: I am a friendly person, and I like having good plain friendships and friendships that bond us strong over long distance and don’t disintegrate through lack of effort. SO, I am absolutely detesting the thought that this blog is a platform for me to write about my life and for people to read and feel like they are keeping in touch with me. They are not. The only way you can keep in touch with me is if you reach out and make contact (and please do!). The more I think about this the more annoyed I get. Sorry!
I dislike the trade-off between having the heart like widget and wondering who read what I wrote and liked it, or not having it and wondering if anyone read it at all. I’m not sure if I would rather preach to the anonymous someone or nobody, or to a footprint. Also the heart like thingy stinks of plain laziness.
I would love to sit here and pour out my heart and mind like I used to, but I am more suspicious now. I am suspicious of letting a mysterious unknown audience and a potential audience of people I used to know into my thoughts. I miss a lot of people and know a lot less people than I used to, but every single person I know now is a lovely person whose friendship I value. It kind of weirds me out to be spied on by the past. I suppose it would be even worse to be spied on by people that are within my range but not friends. Where is the line drawn between connecting with lovely people on the internet and someone a bit too close to home and not particularly liked knowing all your business?
Despite this, here I am giving it another go. It makes me so sad to look back at the past year and see empty archives or a few random posts about nothing. Here’s to filling in the gaps ..